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Tropez, who instructed me to spread my legs. Evans was hopefully going to change that. A native of London, she now spends most of her time in L.

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However, please check for any major inconsistencies in colour. Please note: Client signoff of artwork confirms approval of the layout and associated business details. The colours on this proof are not a true representation of the final printed product.

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The comedian said he felt as if he was the only gay man in Northampton, where he grew up, and went to extreme lengths to seek out others. I ended up hanging around hairdressers to see where they went when they clocked off. It was like being in the Resistance, trying to find gays. I mean, I see the old interviews with Bette Davis or Joan Crawford, these characters clawed their way up — what stories.

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And it doesn't matter where he is or what he is doing, James will hotfoot it to Paris's London hotel to make sure she is bronzed, smooth and glowing all over. He does the same for actress Sienna Miller, former Spice Girl Geri Halliwell and the boys from Take That, ensuring that they never have an obvious tan line or that terrible orange glow of a botched-up tan job. When James spray tans, he makes sure every one of his clients, celebrity or otherwise, has a natural sun-kissed glow.

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Can't you bring some from Ireland then? You can order spray tan from Amazon. Surely your planner should be able to assist cailinrua, but none of the spa hotels I have checked with each from Taormina to Letojanni offers fake tanning, though several offer solarium tanning.

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Wear Spandex. Meet Cher. As gay vacations go, the island escapade shared by Hugh Skinner, Jeremy Irvine, and Josh Dylan last year is difficult to beat.

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Build up the colour gradually. Most guys are conscious that work colleagues and friends will notice a fake tan and this has lead to them avoiding self tanners in the past. Adding just a pea size amount of Fake Bake Flawless Coconut Tanning Serum to a daily moisturiser is the perfect start.

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I must tell you that I did send one card though. And that was to my dear devoted mummy. I could see it in her eyes, the look of sheer sympathy.

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When James Read hovers one centimetre away from you bestowing an air kiss, it's not because he's being all 'Fashion'. It's because he doesn't want to smudge the fake tan he has just finished applying to your cheekbones. And your legs. And your breasts.

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